I was researching for a school paper on secure (versus insecure) emotional attachments and came across the Ferber method. I don't understand it and though I have not read any empirical articles telling about long term results, it doesn't mesh with anything that I have read about healthy attachment forming and development. I am in disagreement with the severity of this practice. If one of my children cried until he or she vomited, I would do more than walk into the bedroom, stoically clean up the mess, then walk out to let him or her resume the cycle. I think that 15 minutes of crying is extreme and that not being responded to makes children that young shut down-- not self-soothe (and I believe that there is a big difference between the two).
This page was actually biased in favor of the method:
http://www.babycenter.com/0_the-ferber-method-demystified_7755.bc
lastly, I have to say that when I first wrote this post, I was a bit insensitive and I didn't really write the reasons why I disagree with this method. I apologize for that if anyone took offense.
I am absolutely ashamed to say that I did the CIO with Ashlyn when she was 5 months old. It was absolutely horrible and I can't even tell you why I did it other than I was just so exhausted that I was not a good person to be around. I cannot imagine ever doing it again and I still feel horrible to this day that I did do it with her! It only took one night and she fell asleep on her on and slept all night but it was 1 night of her crying for 30 minutes alone and I still feel horrible about it!
ReplyDeleteAiden has never cried it out and no other children will either. I wish I hadn't have done it with Ashlyn.
I totally agree. Michael wanted to try to let Hannah CIO, but I couldn't bring myself to do it an actually started to research some information on it. I found a great article, which I cannot seem to find now, that proves that long term effects from crying and not being tended to can be damaging to the emotional cortex of the brain. One of my best friends is a fan of the CIO method, so I am not saying that I judge anyone who does this, I just know that it is not right for my daughter.
ReplyDeleteMy sister has let all of her children CIO, and I know many other people that do as well. I can tell no difference in their children and my child other than Hannah is a little more cuddly but I think that is more of just who she is as a person not because of that.
So I am not sure of the long term effects of this, as far as I have seen, but I just know it isn't what was right for our family.
have you ever read this?
ReplyDeletehttp://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/07/05/no-cry-it-out/
Jessi-- Your daughter seems so happy and I don't think you should feel ashamed by anything. First time parenting is hard, period.
ReplyDeleteBrittney--I'm not sure if you remember, but I got a lot of hell from Mom and Shell about my "coddling" Lea when she was a newborn. Everyone has their opinions about parenting, and I think that all in all, kids are hardy and resilient little critters. A lot rests on the individual.
Queen Bee- I loved the article and I agree with most of what it says. I just read a case study for class that discussed a despondent infant who was never responded to. The mother had major abandonment issues and was repeating the cycle with her daughter. It was pretty sad.
that's interesting that you mentioned that because the IBCLCs who taught my training course have worked extensively in Russia and studied that very thing.
ReplyDelete